Out of Control

Acrylic on canvas

24" x 30", 2005

Around six months after Laura died I felt like I was in a fire for about two straight weeks. I could not sleep, and I felt anxious and hyper all the time. I felt hot, like I was radiating heat from inside. I felt unbearably lonely. I imagined I was in hell. (This sounds like material for another painting). I think that this was a transition of some sort. Afterwards, I felt calmer. I think I started to accept the reality that Laura is not coming back anymore.

The painting shows me riding on a stallion, crashing into a flower garden. Another version of this image (still in the planning phase) will show the horse running wildly while dragging a casket, with me falling off the saddle.